CHINA - A recent surge in genetic researching has resulted in one of the greatest's scientific accomplishments of the 21st century. The Chinese government, under the leadership of Prime Minister Wen Jiabao, sanctioned the Beijing Genomics Institute (BGI) to conduct experiements on DNA fragments collected and stored in underground facilities the past 50 years. Amongst the samples there features such prominent figures as the tissue of prehistoric dinosaurs (which Prime Minister Jiabao and other cabinent members ruled to be too risky to clone, or 'replicate', as Quong Wiyasaki prefers their process to be called), the legendary American singer Elvis Presely (ruled too controversial of a move), martial artist Bruce Lee (a near replication, but thought to be too confusing with the popularity of Jet Li, who despite announcments of retirement, has yet to do so), first Chinese Prime Minister Prince Qing Yikuang (simply far too complicated, and who would want to explain the time discrepency?), and that of Elizabethan era writer Christopher Marlowe.
The winning DNA packet to be selected was - drum roll please - Christopher Marlowe. Now, for the first time, four weeks after his resurrection, Marlowe sits down exclusively with NBC's Matt Lauer to discuss his life and to discuss his future, as well as theories pertaining to his 'death.'
27 OCTOBER 2009
[Matt Lauer sits comfortably in his nice, cushy chair. The location is Xixing's Diner in Manchuria, China. Christopher Marlowe sits across from him, apparently mesmerized by the cup of coffee right in front of him. There's a moment of awkardness; Matt Lauer shifts in his chair, coughs as to break a uncomfortable silence, and readies his notes]
LAUER: Well, thank you, Mr. Marlowe, for agreeing to meet me here in Manchuria. This is truly a privilege anda honor.
MARLOWE: Oh, no doubt.
[Cars drive pass, a few seconds interlude]
LAUER: Let's start this interview right at the meat. Mr. Marlowe, could you please tell me, in your own words, what transpired that night on the 30th of May 1593?
MARLOWE: I got in a bit of a row with some of my mates at a flat. We were arguing over the bill - or something like that. My memories are a bit dodgy, I'm afraid. I can tell you that plenty of vulgar language was involved, and I sure as Saint Mary's beat Frizer a new one. After that, I'm not too sure. I blacked out. I would guess this is the moment where I died.
LAUER: So you did, indeed, die that night on May 30th at the hands of Frizer?
LAUER: You don't seem very sure about that, Mr. Marlowe.
MARLOWE: Tell me something, Mattie, do the Queens law remain in effect?
LAUER: ......Um...no...And, um, we're in China. So...there's nothing Queen Elizabeth 1 could do. And, uh, it's been quite a few years. I doubt you'll undergo any criminal charges for divulging the truth.
MARLOWE: Oh, well then. Yeah, it was completely staged.
LAUER: And what of the assertions that you were resurrected as William Shakespeare?
MARLOWE: Bollocks. Why would I want my name associated to that gits works? It's rather blubber, I daresay so myself. It's repetitive stuff, and none of it makes a jolly lick of sense.
LAUER: Let the history books be shown that Christopher Marlowe denies the Marlovian theory.
MARLOWE: That's what they're calling it? The Marlovian theory?
MARLOWE: At least that's interesting.
LAUER: So, Mr. Marlowe, what did happen?
MARLOWE: My death was faked by the Queens court and I spent the rest of my life abroad. Got married, although that didn't last long. Had a son named Marty, although he died at a relatively young age.